We're back to the beginning
no one knows yet
you'll come back when I call you
no need to say goodbye
my heart is just plain silly
only it knows what it thinks
your head is full, your lips are empty
dreams die hard
and like everything else...
turn to dust!

"1ST RAIN BACK HOME"

A rain that is so alien
A storm that addresses my welcoming
A thunder that announces my arrival
A land that that is so unfamiliar with all its familiarities
A gulmohar tree that's as orange as orange itself
A dew that has awaited my return
A window that breathes now that i'm here
A swing that's not alone anymore
this is my new home...
or is it trying hard to be?
my new home..away from home!

"Randomness at its best!"

What should I call you?
My madness or my obsession!
the antidote or the venom!
my heart is sinking
a few feet deeper everyday.
When everything is freshly begun,
why aren't my bygones gone?
My memories haunt me...
Your memories are murderous...
Our memories are devastating.
Why am I still bearing this wrath?
Am I angry or just sad,
aren't they the same emotion?
am I constrained or set free
a decision I have come to take
that will change my life.
Why have I become your cardinal sin?
when I was your blessing?
what treasure did you unearth,
that you see no worth in me?
Why couldn't you be a friend,
that I was to you?
Why dint you understand,
all that was simply understood?
What made you think
that we were an exception
and not the oldest rule!!

random thoughts

I think of you when I got to bed,
I think of you when I wake up
I don't miss you because I feel so dead
and I'm becoming quite the lier
I have a broken heart
one, I try everyday to mend
each day carries on and on
few,where I see no end.
Sometimes I stand and wonder
if it was all a dream
it ended as quickly as it begun
no rain, no warning...just the thunder
I stood there and watched my life in a flash
I surely must be dead
seeing my dreams and love go up in an ash.
Why did I depend so much upon you?
Why did I let you make me cry?
Why dint I see this coming?
Even though I knew all the why's!
You led me into this
you tried leading me out
it was well practiced with you
but you left me with a million doubts.
I walked away from you
which was the toughest part
I dint give up for so long
just quietly picked up pieces of my heart.
You walked with me till the very end
it was a journey to remember
I was left behind with a mind and soul
which had nothing to lend
Now I stand on a different horizon
as I try to take baby steps
to a life less ordinary
and to a new days dawn.
I'll remember you always
for being you and more
I'll cherish you and our memories
for as long as the water in my life holds.

"THE SECOND SEX"

I have been living in this city for a long time now. Though I have been in and out of it lately. What do you do when the people who are meant to protect you are the ones you're trying to save yourself from? I'm an adult,capable and healthy woman. Aware of the power I have and must better acquainted with my short comings. Need I be reminded every now and then by these vultures of society that I am the "Second Sex"? Of coarse, not. Being harassed by the cops on the roads,who are invariably intoxicated is not my idea of protection.I'm am the 21st century woman, and no I'm not apologetic about it. Why is it that our law,which is actually meant to "protect" us is proactively trying to push us back into the "saas bhi kabhi bahu thi" dynasty?
Who decides my late nights?who decides what I should wear? Who decides how i sit in the car? Who decides who I decide to do all the above with? Is it so difficult to practice my rights as a woman in this country. A country,the last time I checked was a free one. My clothes are my way of expressing myself,hence self expression...who put such a high price at being typical? I'm not going to succumb to the humiliation every single time I'm out late in the night. I thought I belonged to a society where women were given the utmost respect,after what i witnessed...i really don't think so.
Last night I was returning from a dinner with a friend in his car. It was then when we were stopped by two cops in the midst Koramangla 1st block road. The cops spoke to us like we were criminals and asked my friend to show his id cards and car papers. To us it was a regular check so, we willfully obliged. It was alright till one of the cops said, in Kannada that he could smell semen. I was taken a back when i first heard it,but then I dismissed all notions of him saying so. Then he said it again,and this time my friend who was being humble all this while heard it as well. He turned around and asked a little aggressively to the cop to repeat himself. But, the cops kept quite. After asking my friend all sort of details about him and me,he let us go.
Was it justified, am i being questioned about my ability to take care of myself? Is it fair to look at a girl like she is cheap trash since she is with boy at a particularly late time of the night. Is my dignity at stake here? Why do I have to compromise on my life just because some cops are out there to have a good time and make an extra buck or two. I can not be held responsible if these vultures of law are out there...or so it seems. Which direction do I turn to as the "weaker sex" for help? Why is it that its taken for grated that if I am with a guy late in the night,its has to be for sex? could I not be somewhere else,coming late from work,getting back from hospital,any other reason!!Late night with a single girl and boy does not equate to sex. This concept is not so alien to understand after all now is it!
Are we being targeted here? As if fighting all the odds, hasn't been enough, now we have this to deal with! I appreciate the "concern" Indian government has for us, but this has got to stop somewhere. Why are we being made a victim of moral policing? Are we not capable enough to take care of such things ourselves. Have we become slaves to typo's or is the system simply insulting our intelligence? Is this kind of underestimation right on their part?
I'm appalled...its time we do something about this!!

"A CAUTIOUS LOVE STORY"

We were best friends,or so we thought,
stating facts out loud,
less to anybody, more to ourselves.
We were convinced, its never going to work.
Telling each other, its a phase.
it was a cautious love story.

Without colouring me in his colours,
without getting coloured in mine.
We drowned into each other.
Lets not do this...we said said, it was
a cautious love story.

'You' stay you, 'I' stay me
and 'we' stay 'us'
but, lets all three walk together
to journeys far & beyond,
a cautious love story.

You are the voice of my silence
i am the words that fall from you
this is a secret of ours
lets just explore you and me
a cautious love story.

A tear that leaves yours eyes,
drops out of mine,
every happiness small or big
its been you, me & us!
a cautious love story.

Lets live like this...
with our inconveniant truth
feeling scared and helpless,
but,our facts intact.
Our cautious love story...
a regret for a life time.

"Confessions Of A Hyperactive Commitment Phobic!!"

The thing with love is that it’s a rather stupid thing. We invariably fool ourselves into believing that we can be the exception and not the rule. I’ve been single for so long that I think I’ll need therapy just to get over the guilt. Waiting for the right one to walk up to me someday. Well I’m 22, single and no the right one hasn’t evidently walked past me. I have, however had many false alarms.
The really funny thing about it is that I’m a woman and women are suppose to have good instincts…well maybe not all women. I qualify as an exception. My instincts are such that every time I feel strongly about something or somebody, it turns around and bites me in the butt. Hence, I have decided that the next time I feel strongly about a guy and my gut feels evermore, I will turn around and run 100 miles in the opposite direction.
I deserve to be happy, I think. I’m not all that a bad person, really. Then why is it that if I see or meet a healthy, good looking, straight, intelligent man I want to curl up and die? I want to be swallowed by mother earth or struck by lightening. Not like all guys I meet hit on me or anything but just the general concept that men today follow-

SINGLE = AVAILABLE = SEX

I mean get real! It is after all a human need and women need it more than men do. You see, for women its all about unadulterated pleasure but for men, its more about spilling their “beans” etc. it is true that men spend more time fantasizing about it and woman just want to get over with it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be with a man for good. The thought of sharing my space with a man seems rather terrifying for some strange reason.
Seems like my Love Santa keeps getting stuck in the chimney all the time. As if that wasn’t problematic enough I’m an old school romance kinda girl. I want it all, the whole nine yards. I’m yet to meet a man who thinks that way as well. I don’t want to share bedrooms with the guy, I don’t want to share my dark chocolate truffle either. I don’t mind snuggling up and watching tv as long as the fight for the remote is not a constant war.
Simple girls have simple wants…I’ve got simpler ones…

1. A man who can spot China on the map.
2. Can spell amalgamation.
3. Knows who John Keats or Russell Peters is and is well aware of the difference.
4. Can sing a line or two from a Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra.

Well these are just a few to start with. But, they are important ones. I think. One thing however would be mandatory… he has to love the beach and traveling. See now that’s a lethal combination hence, almost impossible to find and therefore doesn’t exist. Probably, also the reason behind me being 22 and single.

My feelings are like a bowl of fish hooks, if I pull out one all of them come out at the same time. It could be the reason why I am a commitment phobic. It’s difficult to be wit a man who is trustworthy. Its like you give a man a free hand and he runs it all over you.

HORMONES ARE STUPID YET VERY POWERFUL THINGS, WE’RE HELPLESS IN THEIR AWAKE!!